‘It's never as bad as you think’: why talking openly about money could save your relationship

When entrepreneur Matthew Mace found himself facing £93,000 of debt, the hardest part wasn't dealing with his creditors or cutting back his spending.

It was telling his partner.

Matthew spent years hiding the extent of his financial difficulties while trying to keep his business afloat. Like many people struggling with debt, he felt ashamed, worried about how his partner would react and convinced he could solve the problem on his own.

But when circumstances finally forced him to come clean, he discovered something important: talking openly about money was the first step towards getting back on track.

We spoke to Matthew about why he kept his debt secret, how honesty changed his relationship and what he wishes other couples knew about discussing money worries.

"I felt a lot of shame"

Matthew, 35, lives in Kent with his partner and their four-year-old daughter.

For years, he considered himself good with money. He had savings and a strong credit score. But a combination of business pressures, optimism and easy access to credit gradually changed that.

"I thought I was," he says when asked whether he was good with money. "I had no long-term debt, had quite good savings and a good salary."

As one business struggled and a new venture took time to generate income, Matthew increasingly relied on credit cards. He kept telling himself things would improve.

“I was optimistic that things would get better,” he said.

By the time he realised the scale of the problem, he was running out of savings and approaching his credit limits.

Yet he still couldn't bring himself to tell his partner.

"Initially I was in denial. I'm proud, if that makes sense. I've always been a good saver, good spender, always very responsible.

"I couldn't believe that I could be bad with money."

The secrecy was fuelled by shame.

"She [his partner] is great with money. She's very disciplined. She's incredibly conscientious," he says.

"So, yeah, I felt ashamed. I'm supposed to be good with money and you're always wondering if people are just going to say, 'Well, I told you so.'"

The moment everything came out

The truth finally came out during a family trip to Australia.

Matthew had been relying on his last available credit card to get through the holiday. Then he lost his wallet.

Suddenly, he found himself without access to any money.

"Once I had zero spending capacity, I was like, 'Oh, I'm going to have to tell her now.'"

Sitting in a hotel room, exhausted by the situation, he finally opened up.

"I was sitting in the hotel room in absolute floods of tears and couldn't even say what was the problem," he recalls.

For Matthew, the confession was both painful and necessary.

"There was a glimmer of hope that, okay, we're going to sort this out together."

Why honesty changed everything

His partner was shocked, but she didn't walk away.

Instead, she did something Matthew believes ultimately helped save their finances.

"She was very supportive," he says.

At the same time, she didn't let him avoid responsibility.

"She said the right things," he explains. "But she's practical."

In fact, her response was simple and direct.

"She said that I must sort it out and that there is no excuse."

Rather than rescuing him, she encouraged him to face the problem head-on.

"It’s important to remember that there is no rescuer. You have to figure it out for yourself."

That combination of support and accountability proved invaluable.

Rebuilding trust takes time

Talking openly about money didn't instantly solve everything.

Matthew admits that keeping such a large secret damaged trust in the relationship.

"Once you come clean, there's still this deep lack of trust."

The challenge now is rebuilding that trust through actions rather than words.

"I have to earn back trust."

The couple continue to keep their finances separate, but they now have much more open conversations about money.

And importantly, they're tackling challenges together.

As Matthew says: "There’s a lot more that can be achieved with someone else on your side."

The financial reality

After seeking help from his creditors, Matthew was referred to Money Wellness and entered a debt management plan.

The process helped him understand the true scale of the problem.

"Until I'd written it down myself, I had no real idea about how much I was spending just in interest per month."

The figure was staggering.

"My interest payments alone were about £1,800."

Today, he has dramatically changed his spending habits. He cancelled subscriptions, introduced strict spending limits and focuses on essentials.

Instead of trying to cut back gradually, he took a more drastic approach.

"I did the very nuclear option. I cancelled everything."

He's also become much more intentional about spending.

"I have one coffee outside a week. That's it. That's my limit."

The changes are working. He has already paid off a portion of the debt and is focused on building a more stable future.

What Matthew wants other couples to know

For anyone currently hiding money worries from a partner, Matthew's message is clear.

"It's never as bad as you think."

He believes the fear of telling someone is often worse than the reality.

"They're never going to react as bad as you think."

More importantly, delaying the conversation only makes the situation harder.

"The hurt compounds every day in ways that you don't know."

And if your partner genuinely cares about you?

"If they really are your partner and they really do support you, they will understand."

His biggest lesson is one many couples can relate to.

Money problems thrive in secrecy. Solutions start with conversation.

Whether you're facing debt, struggling with rising costs or simply worried about your finances, talking openly may feel uncomfortable in the moment.

But as Matthew discovered, it can also be the first step towards regaining control.

As he puts it: "There's a lot more that could be achieved with someone else on your side."

Image: Matthew Mace