Dosh dilemma: “I keep saying yes to hen dos I can’t afford”

Ella loves her friends. But she doesn’t love is spending £450 on a weekend she secretly can’t afford.

Between flights, matching outfits, cocktails, taxis and more, hen dos have started feeling less like celebrations and more like financial nightmare.

“It’s never just one cost,” she says. “You pay for the Airbnb, then there’s the brunch, the decorations, the themed outfits and suddenly you’ve spent half your month’s pay.”

This year alone, Ella has been invited to three hen weekends.

And every time another group chat appears, she feels the same mix of excitement and dread.

“I didn’t want to seem difficult”

Ella knows she could say no. 

But like a lot of people, she worries about looking unsupportive, boring or “bad with money”.

So instead, she says yes first and panics later.

One hen do ended up going on a credit card. Another meant dipping into savings she’d been building for emergencies.

“I kept telling myself it was a one-off,” she says. “But wedding season lasts forever when you’re in your thirties.”

The expense of modern hen dos

Modern hen weekends can come with huge expectations.

What used to be one night out can now involve:

• overseas trips
• coordinated outfits
• expensive activities
• multiple meals and drinks
• gifts and decorations
• splitting costs for the bride

And because everything is organised in group chats, it can feel awkward to admit money’s tight.

Many people end up overspending simply to avoid feeling left out.

What helped Ella regain control

Eventually, Ella realised she needed boundaries before wedding season wiped out her finances completely.

Here’s what helped.

She stopped automatically saying yes

Instead of agreeing immediately, Ella started checking her budget first.

Giving herself time to think stopped emotional panic-spending.

She was honest earlier

Rather than making excuses, Ella started saying things like:

“I’d love to come, but I need to keep costs low.”

She was surprised by how understanding people were.

She chose what mattered most

Ella realised she didn’t have to attend every single event.

Sometimes she skipped the expensive weekend abroad but joined the local dinner instead.

She set a yearly ‘wedding budget’

Having a rough spending limit helped her make decisions without guilt.

Once the budget was gone, she stopped adding extra events.

Remember, most people would rather have honest conversations than see someone quietly stressing about money. Ella still says yes to the hen dos that matter most, just not at the expense of her financial wellbeing.