"I find all of the secrecy around money and wages really strange": Joe Wells on neurodiversity, work and unwritten money rules

The comedian, writer and co-author of Neurodivergent Moments spoke to Money Wellness about why conversations about money can feel confusing, why many workplace norms don't make sense to him, and what employers and financial providers could do better for neurodivergent people.

Money is full of unwritten rules.

We're expected to know when it's appropriate to talk about salaries, how to ask for a pay rise, how much financial information to share with friends, and even what success is supposed to look like.

For many neurodivergent people, those rules aren't always obvious.

Joe Wells, comedian, writer, podcaster and co-author of Neurodivergent Moments: Sex, Sunscreen, Turtles and How (Not) to Pack a Suitcase, believes some of society's assumptions about money deserve to be questioned.

Joe shared how autism has shaped his relationship with work, money and social expectations, why he finds society's secrecy around pay "strange", and why creating workplaces where people feel they belong matters more than climbing the career ladder.

"Money shapes your entire life experience"

One of the biggest challenges Joe sees is the number of unwritten social rules surrounding money.

While many people instinctively know what is and isn't considered appropriate to discuss, Joe says those boundaries can feel confusing.

"I find all of the secrecy around money and wages really strange."

He recalls being told he had been inappropriate for discussing a well-paid corporate gig.

For Joe, however, the conversation wasn't about showing off.

"For me it was more of an interesting story than showing off. I find money and wealth fascinating because it shapes your entire life experience."

He believes being autistic often leads him to ask questions others might avoid.

"One of the things I like about being autistic is that my inappropriate questions can lead to fascinating answers, but they can also get me in trouble."

Why asking for a pay rise can feel impossible

Conversations about pay and career progression can be difficult for many people, but Joe says uncertainty about social expectations can make them particularly challenging.

"I find almost all conversations, except those with people I'm very close to, challenging."

Like many autistic people, Joe says he often scripts conversations in advance and mentally prepares for different outcomes.

That can become especially difficult when discussing performance or salary.

"When I had a day job I didn't ask for a pay rise for the seven-ish years I was there."

Part of the reason, he says, was struggling to judge how his work was being perceived.

"I didn't know whether management thought I was doing a good job or not."

The hidden costs of being neurodivergent

Money management can look very different from person to person, Joe says, and broad assumptions about neurodivergent people are rarely helpful.

For him, budgeting is generally manageable, but there are still additional expenses that many people may not consider.

"There are lots of hidden costs to being autistic."

His gives a recent example of ordering some new powdered sun cream for the summer which was a “life-changing discovery but extortionately expensive”.

Success doesn't always mean a bigger salary

One of the themes explored in Neurodivergent Moments is the idea that many neurodivergent people prioritise sustainability over status.

For Joe, finding work that doesn't leave him exhausted has always been more important than earning the highest possible salary.

"The world is, by definition, not set up for neurodivergent people and we're often living with a lot of base-level stress."

As a result, high-pressure careers can sometimes come at a big cost.

"I've known very capable people crash out of jobs because their employers weren't understanding of their neurodivergence."

That doesn't mean success isn't possible.

Joe says he's also met many neurodivergent people thriving in supportive workplaces where their needs are understood and respected.

Challenging the 'neurodivergent superpower' myth

Joe is keen to challenge the idea that every neurodivergent person possesses a hidden genius waiting to be unlocked.

"There's a stereotype that being neurodivergent is a superpower."

While there are exceptional examples of people whose neurodivergence has helped them excel in specific fields, Joe believes most people's experiences are far more ordinary.

"I think most of us are more ordinary than people would think."

For employers and colleagues, he says, the focus should be on understanding individuals rather than relying on stereotypes.

What employers and financial providers could do better

When it comes to supporting neurodivergent people, Joe believes flexibility is crucial.

For employers, the most important change isn't necessarily a policy or process.

It's culture.

"The biggest thing is a cultural shift so that neurodivergent people are valued and included."

For banks, lenders and financial providers, communication is key.

"Different people communicate better in different ways."

Offering options such as phone calls, texts, emails and face-to-face support can make services more accessible.

"We all want to feel like our employers value the work we do and are willing to do the right thing for us."

Building a life that works for you

Joe's own career reflects many of the ideas he discusses.

As a comedian and writer, he enjoys work that’s in-line with his interests and allows him to be part of a community where he feels comfortable.

"More than anything I want a job where I feel I belong."

While freelance life brings financial uncertainty, he says it also offers freedom and flexibility.

And despite building a successful career, traditional markers of status have never been particularly important to him.

"Doing a job which I'm interested in and which I don't find draining is way more important to me than a high salary."

In fact, Joe says even a lottery-win-sized payday probably wouldn't change his life dramatically.

"If I made a million pounds, I don't think I'd change much about my life other than spending more on my record collection."

"Different doesn't mean wrong"

If there's one message Joe hopes neurotypical people take away, it's that different approaches to money aren't necessarily worse ones.

"Neurotypical people might be the majority but that doesn't mean their way of thinking about money is necessarily more valid than other ways."

In fact, he believes some autistic traits could help challenge long-standing assumptions around money and work.

"I think that my autistic directness about money could be a useful way to start a wider conversation about wage disparity."

Neurodivergent Moments: Sex, Sunscreen, Turtles and How (Not) to Pack a Suitcase by Joe Wells and Abigoliah Schamaun is published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Image: Joe Wells, credit Ed Moore