'I said hello. I could never have imagined five letters could do so much harm'

Kirsty Guest, a florist from Harrogate, North Yorkshire, never imagined she would become a victim of romance fraud. Like so many others, she believed it was something that happened to other people.

It isn’t.

Romance fraud is now one of the most emotionally and financially devastating crimes in the UK. According to research by TSB, money sent to romance scammers jumped by 37% in 2025 compared with 2024. Victims send an average of 11 payments, losing around £7,500 before realising they are being exploited.

In many cases, scammers spend weeks, even months, grooming their targets, carefully building trust before ever asking for money.

By the time alarm bells begin to ring, many victims are already deeply emotionally invested.

We spoke to Kirsty Guest, whose experience shows just how quietly, convincingly and patiently romance fraud can unfold.

She has chosen to share her story, and the red flags she wishes she had known, in the hope it might help others recognise the warning signs before it’s too late.

A fresh start

Following the breakdown of her 14-year marriage, Kirsty found herself navigating an unfamiliar dating world.

“After spending time with family and friends, [they were] eager to get me back out there. Explaining how they had found love online and how easy it was to connect with people.... I did. The ease of setting up a profile in my opinion was not that easy. How do you sell yourself in brief to stand out from the crowd, I asked myself.”

Reluctant but hopeful, she gave it a go, just like millions of others.

Then one profile stood out.

A handsome man who “spoke with kindness… took my eye.”

“He approached me with decency and a want to strike up a real conversation.”

Red flag: Romance scammers often stand out by being unusually attentive, polite and emotionally engaging from the very start.

Intensity that feels like connection

They spoke every day, throughout the day, for two to three weeks.

“Intense conversations of interest, future promise and a desire to meet and make plans together. It felt real to me. How can it feel so real if you haven't met yet, I hear you ask.”

He made Kirsty feel safe and understood.

“He was open about his job position and explained he was a businessman and was clear and concise on what he was wanting from life and from a partner.”

Over time, it seemed clear he was wealthy, though never showy.

“He could tell that this [money] was not my main focus and was never brash with his supposed wealth.”

Red flag: Claims of professional success or wealth are often used to establish credibility and reduce suspicion, especially when shared freely and early.

Kirsty, cautious by nature, didn’t overshare.

“I played my cards close to my chest, as this was a new relationship still… Obviously, all these little things began to build trust.”

Shared values and emotional bonding

For family-oriented Kirsty, his stories felt reassuringly familiar.

“He explained how he had a close bond with his mother… living close to her, as his father had passed away.”

It mirrored her own values and made trusting him feel natural.

“I can safely say at this stage I had no concerns. All I felt was a connection, promise and a possible future. We all want to be happy, and we all want to find love.”

Red flag: Scammers often mirror values, experiences and emotional priorities to deepen attachment quickly.

Avoiding face-to-face contact

Kirsty suggested video calls from time to time, but he always preferred voice calls.

“And to be honest, I preferred to do that too. I'm not one for video calls or seeing myself on camera.”

He sent photos instead, which reassured her.

“So, it seemed normal to me at this stage. He had sent numerous pictures...which gave me a sense of security.”

Red flag: Reluctance to video call, even when photos are shared, is a common warning sign in romance fraud.

The declaration - and distance

After several weeks, he told Kirsty he was going away on business.

“I was comfortable with him going away and had much work of my own to attend to. I never gave it a second thought.”

But before leaving, he dropped an emotional bombshell. He told Kirsty he was falling in love with her.

“I was taken aback, after not hearing words like these for so many years. I didn't reply at this stage, but I was smitten.”

Red flag: Early declarations of love are often used to fast-track emotional commitment.

After landing, he ever sent Kirsty a video showing her around the airport.

“I realised then that I was possibly falling in love with this person. I suppose a little absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

Silence, then crisis

After sending a photo of himself ‘suited and booted’ in a hotel bathroom mirror, ready for a business meeting, the contact with Kirsty suddenly stopped.

“Time passed… days and nothing. No contact.”

Kirsty blamed herself.

“I had begun to think I had ruined things between us. Maybe because I didn't respond with ‘I love you’.”

Then came the call.

He said he’d been mugged and had everything stolen.

“I was so shocked, but also happy to hear from him.”

He sent photos of himself beaten up from a hospital bed.

“There was no AI here, just pictures of the man I was falling for in hospital.”

Red flag: Sudden emergencies abroad, such as muggings, hospitalisations and lost documents, are a hallmark of romance scams.

When ‘love’ turns into pressure

“I wanted to help him but couldn't. Needless to say, I would find myself helping him from this moment on with all my money and more.”

From this point, the requests for help with money became constant. He said he needed help paying hospital fees and persuaded Kirsty to log into what appeared to be his online bank account, which showed a balance of hundreds of thousands of dollars. The account was later revealed as fake.

He didn’t ask for her money at first. Instead, he guided her through making payments from what looked like his own funds, worth several thousand pounds at a time. The process was repeated again and again, reinforcing her trust and confidence that everything was legitimate.

Then, suddenly, the website showed she was 'locked out'.

When Kirsty told him, his tone flipped and he turned very angry.

After later apologising, he said there was a £5,000 bill that urgently needed paying and asked Kirsty to send her own money, promising she would be repaid once the account was 'unfrozen'.

He reassured her, reminding her that he had already given her access to his bank account.

But the manipulation and requests for money continued.

“I would make payments. He would reply with such love and gratitude and then would make me feel as if it was my fault when things didn’t go to plan.”

Red flag: Alternating praise and punishment is classic coercive control.

'Let’s keep things to ourselves'

Kirsty recalls how he often said 'let’s keep it to ourselves'. He said he didn’t want her family to know and promised everything would be fixed when he returned home.

“He would preach how he would put everything right and we could start our lives together.”

Kirsty began withdrawing from those closest to her.

“It would become unbearable at times… then another call full of apologies, then turning his frustration, anxiety and anger around on to me. “What about me?” he used to say. “It's not all about you.””

Red flag: Isolation from friends and family is one of the most dangerous stages of a romance scam.

The toll on health and wellbeing

Kirsty stopped eating properly and began drinking.

“Less money, more bills, more pressure from him. It's a hamster on a wheel scenario. A manipulation bubble.”

By the time the truth emerged, which was uncovered by her sister’s persistence and photo evidence, the damage was immense.

In total, Kirsty had sent him £85,671.

Living with the aftermath and speaking out

“I had never heard of scams like this… I NEVER thought something like this could happen to me, but it has.”

She still lives with guilt every day.

“Nobody is safe. It doesn't matter how old you are. How educated you are or how much money you have.”

Kirsty chose to go to the police, not just for herself, but for others.

“To put a stop to this we need to fight it, and silence doesn't win a war.”

“I realised I am worth this fight and so are all of you.”

What Kirsty wants others to know

From her experience, Kirsty shares these lessons:

• Speak in person. If they won't, ask them why. Don’t settle for an easy answer.
• Don’t keep it a secret, even if they ask you to. Find someone you trust, who knows YOU and let it out.
• Think about the way you feel when they talk to you. If it was someone else you knew talking to you like that, would you do what they say or take that response?
• If you feel pressure to move money or are even asked to do so, STOP and talk to your bank or someone you trust. Give yourself time to reflect.
• Do not believe in social media as being an honest platform. The police and authorities are constantly trying to pull down fraudulent use. The best way to describe it is a whack-a-mole effect.
• Never be ashamed. Use your voice and ask for help.

“We cannot allow this to carry on. These people/organisations of crime, take our money and can take your life within a blink of an eye,” Kirsty adds.

“I will never be the same again. However, with time you find a way to fight and hold your head high again.”