Talk Money Week: Keeping my debt a secret nearly tore my marriage apart

‘Start the conversation’, the theme of this year’s Talk Money Week (3–7 November 2025), is a message strongly supported by Money Wellness customer Kate McCavana.

In 2022, Kate, 55, from Cornwall, was suffocating under the weight of a terrible secret. Hidden debt had driven a wedge between Kate and her husband, and she was struggling with suicidal thoughts and losing weeks at a time to deep depression. Looking back, she now sees those darkest times as the beginning of a transformation, but at the time, she couldn’t imagine a way forward.

Hiding the truth

Kate’s financial difficulties began in 2016 when her successful business, which combined coaching and securing European grants, was wiped out almost overnight by Brexit. Clients disappeared, income dried up and she was left with bills, commitments and a carefully built life suddenly under threat.

Like many parents, she was keen that her kids should have every opportunity in life and poured money into after-school clubs. She and her husband didn’t always agree on spending, so Kate tended to deal with the family’s finances. When her income collapsed, she turned to borrowing, hoping it would only be a short-term fix.

As the debt mounted, so did the pressure. Kate felt she had to carry the burden alone, keeping her struggles from her husband in the hope she could put things right before anyone noticed. But the silence strained their relationship and left Kate feeling more isolated than ever.

The cost of silence

By 2021, Kate owed £60,000 and was desperately trying to hold everything together. “The more I kept it secret, the more suffocating it became,” she admits.

The turning point came in January 2023, when she was invited to take part in an Office for National Statistics survey. During the interview, she was asked directly about her finances, and for the first time, she told the full truth, with her husband listening.

“The interviewer burst into tears because he could feel the pain I was in,” Kate recalls. “And my husband burst into tears because he finally understood why I’d been suffering with dark thoughts and dark days all this time.”

That single conversation, painful as it was, lifted years of hidden weight. Kate says it was the bravest thing she has ever done, and the first step towards real change.

Talking brought them closer

The ONS interviewer suggested Kate contact us at Money Wellness. We agreed reduced payments with her lenders, so she was able to start reducing her debts at an affordable rate.

“For the first time in years, I wasn’t drowning,” she says. “I had a clear, structured way forward.”

Crucially, she and her husband began tackling their finances together. What had once been a hidden source of shame became a joint effort. The more they talked, the lighter the burden felt, and the stronger their relationship became.

It's never just about money

As Kate’s stress eased, she was able to rebuild not only her business but her self-esteem.

“The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that financial stress is never just about money. It’s about shame. It’s about self-worth. And it’s about the conversations that aren’t being had in homes up and down the country,” she says.

Kate’s experience shows how silence around money worries can drive a wedge between partners, but also how sharing those concerns can rebuild relationships and make tackling financial difficulties easier.